When God Becomes Personal

     Recently I, my husband, his brother and his significant other spent a few weeks reading and discussing a book by Earnie Larsen - From Anger to Forgiveness: A Practical Guide to Breaking the Negative Power of Anger and Achieving Reconcilation. The three of them often talked about the pain of growing up in the Catholic church. They had the book, Recovering Catholics - What to Do When Religion Comes Between You and God, on thier bookshelf and offered it to me to help give me a better understanding of their struggles. 
     After reading the book, I realize that the guilt and shame they experienced as a result of their inability to follow rules and measure up, is not at all unfamiliar to me. I too experienced guilt and shame as a child from the trauma of parental abandonment at an early age and being raised in foster care where I experienced physical, emotional and spiritual abuse.
     The following excerpt from the back cover of the book resonates with me - "When God becomes personal, God becomes real. Not before. When God becomes personal, it won't matter if medieval Popes sired children or sold indulgences or if some small minded priest humiliated you.....You will be motivated to get involved in the Church community, to stir up a little fire". Pastor Paul Singh, author of the book Rekindling Your Spirit says, "the church doesn't need any more good boys or good girls! The church needs 'disruptive' girls and boys"  i.e. men and women who know who God is and who know who they are in God and who are no longer content with the status quo.
     17 years ago I began a journey with the living God and that journey has led to significant healing and a changed life! Needless to say, I still struggle occassionally with those all too familiar feelings of guilt and shame, but those feelings no longer control me.
     I am DEEPLY saddened that many people continue to allow wounds of their past to keep them from having abundant life in Christ.
     If you are reading this and you struggle with feelings of guilt and shame and if you truly desire healing, please know, understand and believe that healing IS possible - not through Religion, but through a Relationship with Jesus Christ. If you place your trust in Him, healing will come!

America, The Beautiful!

The Dutch Star

 

     Almost one month ago, Rick and I left MN in our 43 foot Newmar, Dutch Star RV. A week before our departure date, I wrote on my FB page, "Leaving on a 3 week RV trip this Saturday, destination unknown". I was appaled at the number of likes my post recieved. Weren't my friends even a little concerned that we didn't have a plan? Didn't they care that I would be somewhere 'out there', among total strangers on what would have been Cullen's birthday - May 8th, my birthday - May 11th and Mother's Day - May 13th? Don't they know how difficult those days are for me since my only son went home to be with the Lord?

     Around the time those thoughts were swirling around in my puny little mind, Rick came home from work and proposed the question, "where would you like to be on your birthday"? (Which was just 6 days away!!!) I didn't hesitate for one minute "the Caribbean" I mused. Rather impatiently, he reminded me that we don't have passports and therefore that was not an option. Of course I knew that, but I decided I would answer his question honestly any way. Then he mentioned that he was thinking about heading west and he asked what I thought about that idea. For some reason, the song, Rocky Mountain High by John Denver popped into my head, so I told Rick that I'd like to see the Rockies.

     Here we are over 5000 miles later and we not only saw the beautiful, majestic Rocky Mountains, but we also experienced other beautiful mountain vistas, as well as lush, fertile green valleys, roaring seas, peaceful flowing rivers, dry dessert plains and some of the most magnificent sunsets in  SD, CO, UT, NV, CA, AZ, NM, TX, OK, MO, KY and of course the ever beautiful mountains and streams of my home state, Wild, Wonderful, WV.

     It would be impossible to tell you what I liked the best, because each state we visited offered something special and unique. I was continuously reminded of God's creative power and His awesome majesty throughout the universe displayed!

     Well, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words - here are just a few of my favorites. Enjoy!

Rocky Mountains, CO

Me and Rick at Mt. Rushmore

Arches National Park, Moab, UT

Malibu Beach, Malibu, CA

The Holy Cross Chapel, Sedona, AZ

Letter to Cullen that I posted on his Caring Bridge site on the first anniversary of his death.

Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:19 AM, CST

HELP ME BE STRONG -
     Words from the song, Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant that we played at your 'internment service' yesterday - a prayer I found myself praying often throughout our time together here on earth. A prayer that was heard by our Father in Heaven and that was answered as my knees buckled, my stomach churned and my heart pounded with fear and uncertainty after learning that you had a "life threatening" condition, followed by several difficult and painful surgeries and procedures and illnesses and infections that continued to threaten your life.   
     Wishing I could spare you the pain and the agony of it all. Wishing I could spare myself. Coming to grips with the reality that life is indeed painful and coming to terms with God's truths. That in spite of my limitations, my weaknesses and my doubts, He is in control, He is infinitely good, He is faithful and He is able to do so much more than all that I can think or dream or imagine! 
     So grateful to know that you are now in His presence - completely healed and whole!! Reading this morning from the book, The Empty Chair, Handling Grief on Holidays and Special Occasions, the following prayer addressing God's limitless Grace spoke to me deeply and personally. 
     "We are not good at trusting, Father. We yearn for control and for power. We want to be strong. How can it be that you would make us weak? How can it be that you would remove from us what little semblance of control we might have? Why does this holiday seem to make my grief harder to bear? Make clear your strength, power and grace - not just on the occasion of my hurts and grief, but through them. Help me to see each day, either a routine day or a holiday as a day of grace from you. Help me to wait quietly for your direction. Quiet my confused heart. Make me diligent in doing all that I need to do to get through this grief, and impress on me again that your compassion never fails. Great is your faithfulness. Amen." 
     "Help me hold on"...... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW2OBT-5qfc&feature=youtube