When God Becomes Personal

     Recently I, my husband, his brother and his significant other spent a few weeks reading and discussing a book by Earnie Larsen - From Anger to Forgiveness: A Practical Guide to Breaking the Negative Power of Anger and Achieving Reconcilation. The three of them often talked about the pain of growing up in the Catholic church. They had the book, Recovering Catholics - What to Do When Religion Comes Between You and God, on thier bookshelf and offered it to me to help give me a better understanding of their struggles. 
     After reading the book, I realize that the guilt and shame they experienced as a result of their inability to follow rules and measure up, is not at all unfamiliar to me. I too experienced guilt and shame as a child from the trauma of parental abandonment at an early age and being raised in foster care where I experienced physical, emotional and spiritual abuse.
     The following excerpt from the back cover of the book resonates with me - "When God becomes personal, God becomes real. Not before. When God becomes personal, it won't matter if medieval Popes sired children or sold indulgences or if some small minded priest humiliated you.....You will be motivated to get involved in the Church community, to stir up a little fire". Pastor Paul Singh, author of the book Rekindling Your Spirit says, "the church doesn't need any more good boys or good girls! The church needs 'disruptive' girls and boys"  i.e. men and women who know who God is and who know who they are in God and who are no longer content with the status quo.
     17 years ago I began a journey with the living God and that journey has led to significant healing and a changed life! Needless to say, I still struggle occassionally with those all too familiar feelings of guilt and shame, but those feelings no longer control me.
     I am DEEPLY saddened that many people continue to allow wounds of their past to keep them from having abundant life in Christ.
     If you are reading this and you struggle with feelings of guilt and shame and if you truly desire healing, please know, understand and believe that healing IS possible - not through Religion, but through a Relationship with Jesus Christ. If you place your trust in Him, healing will come!

Reflections on another in a series of "Firsts"

The new RV

     Yesterday was yet another in a series of "firsts", since my only child passed away in December, leaving a void in my life as wide as the sky and as deep as the ocean. 
     Not only was it Mother's Day, but it also would have been my son's 25th birthday and to be honest, I was not looking forward to it! Since I didn't know how I would get through the day, without feelings of deep sadness and extreme sorrow. I debated about how I wanted to spend the day, but I knew in my heart that no matter what I did, it would be a difficult day.          
     I did my best to be open and honest with my friends asking for their prayers that God's sustaining grace would be very evident to me as it had been during the days immediately following my son's death. 
     My husband and I recently purchased a new RV and we have been preparing it for a road trip to visit my half sister in Tulsa in mid May, so we eventually decided to take the RV for a "dry run" and we located a camping site 60 miles south of the Twin Cities. 
     Saturday was sunny and warm and there was a biking/walking trail nearby. After a walk, we grilled and ate our evening meal outdoors on the picnic table where the thought occurred to me that Cullen, like me was always so happy when we were spending time outdoors. We always said that we would live outdoors 24/7 if we could. Thinking that Heaven must be like that - being outdoors all the time with perfect climate control! I also am quite hopeful that there is a heated swimming pool where we can swim to our hearts content because that was another one of our favorite activities.  
     Sunday morning, when I awoke the sun was shining, but I l could see dark clouds on the horizon and it wasn't long before I began to hear the raindrops on the roof. I imagined the raindrops to be teardrops from heaven for all the mothers in the world who have either lost a child or who are childless - God sharing in our suffering if you will. 
     What a personal God we serve!